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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Pre vibe camp I had a conversation with 2 of my closest friends that I’m quite proud of

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

I was sharing about the woman that visited me in Berlin, about expectations and communication

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

We ended up in a probably 30-60 min debate about norms and expectations around what needs to be communicated and related topics

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

At some point I paused, and said something like “wait why are you asking/sharing? What’s the intention behind it? Are you trying to convince me that you’re right and I’m wrong?”

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

They said no. I was like “ok great me neither, I’m not trying to convince you of right or wrong here, so how did we end up in this debate context when actually none of us want that?”

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

The conversation shifted noticeably from that point, and we dropped into sharing/understanding what we were actually trying to communicate and say

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

I did a lot of reflecting feelings and needs, and tried to communicate primarily from that place too

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

Turns out behind the “debate” for them were feelings and needs like care/love/wanting to contribute, wanting my relationships to succeed, and having seen me be super absolute/silver bullet-y about stuff in the past, and not wanting me to be disappointed

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

Also around our connection - feeling a lack of clarity/congruency in it, also wanting closeness but feeling alienated by my words, naming past disconnection/grievances that weren’t fully addressed/acknowledged

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

The conversation didn’t feel complete but felt a lot more connecting by the end. Would love some more time to talk these topics out with them

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

Don’t think i was capable even a few months ago of this - slowing down/noticing/naming where the conversation was going, particularly with friends with years/decade of habitual communication patterns, focusing on the present/feelings/needs, and not getting triggered/defensive

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

One of the criticisms was “Johnson says he prioritizes his friends (me) but goes out and prioritizes other people/things in his actions”. Which is a tender one, I had a pretty painful formative moment in middle school around this.

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

I think on one hand, I’ve prioritized the things I have so that I could be capable of this conversation. And on the other hand, I also have yet to but need to acknowledge that I also see limited alignment in our futures, something that brings me sadness

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6/21/2023

Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• about 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

The love is still there with my friends, and the desire for alignment is certainly still there, but I’m no longer trying to change my friends and my investment has shifted accordingly

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6/21/2023