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Hey, you -- yeah, with the ADHD and the cool projects! You know how all of those projects are, like, 80% done? And how you can't figure out how to get them over the line? And how frustrating that is? The following thread contains an infohazard, proceed at your peril! ;)
I am going to share with you the framing that allowed me to finally make sense of this. As I understand it, ADHD is characterized at least in part (and someone please bounce some science off this?) by a specific difference in the dopamine release process.
(All of this stuff is to my knowledge theoretical, and probably more complex than I'm making it sound, but the model that helped me is this:) Dopamine is the neurotransmitter that allows you to feel a sense of reward, satisfaction, well-being, etc. It motivates people.
For people who do not have ADHD, dopamine is released *at the moment a goal is accomplished*. "Doing the thing" is intrinsically motivating for them, in a fundamental way. It provides them with a form of well-being that is as natural to them as oxygen. Think about that.
But. For people who do have ADHD things are a bit more complicated. There are various ways to frame this argument, but the one that I tend to prefer is just: we seem to get dopamine from satisfying curiosity rather than completing goals. Think about that.
Depending on which kind of person you are, really think about what it would be like to be the other kind of person. If accomplishing goals brings you intrinsic satisfaction, imagine what life would be like without that. What would you *do*? Why?
Now, everyone who has ever rolled your eyes at the idea that ADHD is a disability, ask yourself this: Have you ever once thought about what it would feel like -- really *feel* like, subjectively, in your body, in your qualia -- to be motivated by curiosity over completion?
Modern life consists of *tasks*. A never-ending series of clearly-defined simple-to-achieve Things. To. Do. Not problems to solve, questions to answer, ideas to have, dances to learn, or universes to imagine. Tasks. To complete.
It's not simple to pay a bill. It's not simple to call a support line. It's not simple to mail something to something. It's not simple to do any of the billion simple things we are each expected to do every day. And if you have ADHD, there is no reward. Only lack of punishment.
Think about that. ADHD people who heal their trauma and their relationship to panic and anxiety and shame *suddenly find themselves unable to do their jobs or focus on their responsibilities*. Why? Because fear was all that was motivating them. They have to relearn how to want.
And the worst part is that not only do you spend all of your time doing this endless series of tasks. The worst part is the opportunity cost. All of the things you don't get to learn, the questions you don't get to ask, the thoughts you don't get to think.
So, I told y'all that there was an infohazard in this thread, and it's this. Let's go back to that trail of half-finished art projects. Do you know why you didn't finish them? Because there's nothing more there for you to learn. That's it. Why *would* you finish them?
Your projects are your way of asking the universe a question, and then digging and digging and digging until the universe answers. You are motivated by curiosity, and that is a blessed gift, not a source of shame. Your unfinished work is the testament to your growth.
Those aren't abandoned projects -- those are the remaining scaffolds from the the space ships that they launched. It was never about finishing the thing. Forgive yourself for that. But. If you ever really want to finish a project? Here's the info-hazard.
You can only use this trick once. Once you use it, you will have used it, and it will not work again. It may in fact make it even harder for your to focus on completing tasks. You can finish a project by getting curious about how it'd feel to push through and finish a project.
(Hey, to everyone learning they are ADHD from this thread. Congrats! Stimulants are optional but if they help they can REALLY help. The real question you should be asking yourself now is, am I also autistic? Most ADHD diagnosticians won’t even screen for it, don’t know how.)
@mykola I tried this once. It was a programming project that's more and more obviously useless as I near completion. I decided to complete it anyway, to see how it felt. It did not feel good. It would've taken a normal person like two weekends, but I spent THREE YEARS. Pure stubbornness.
@QiaochuYuan Who do you think collects all the little items in video games for the sake of getting a 100% complete rating? Like. You can empirically ask yourself: would the world be set up this way if MOST people didn't find it satisfying to simply check boxes of a list?
@mykola ok, this aligns with my experience. it’s so frustrating, because i do actually do things because i want the finished product, like my cool steampunk clock i was trying to make. i need a clock in the spot i was gonna put it. but i tried to improve on the clock, got 80% done and 🤷🏻
@tardis_blue So what this means is that your intrinsic motivations are different. Your *goal* may still be the artifact, but your ability to meet that goal is constrained by your intrinsic motivation. You can learn to cheat a bit once you understand this.
@mykola This aligns really closely with my experience.Something that I've found helpful:Treat tasks like experiments and get curious about the result. Similar to your approach, but it can be more repeatable. Might need to tweak the tasks a bit, but I've found it really helpful.
@mykola Thank you so much for this. I have felt like a failure for 60+ years. When I was teaching I always wanted kids to be curious more than achieve a number. Also the paperwork killed me. This explains why. Thank you.
@ScottMcLean18 You were never a failure, man. You were playing life on hard mode, dealing with all the shit you needed to deal with in the space left over after dealing with all the other shit you were made to deal with. And through it you still focused on fostering curiosity. You're a hero!
@mykola Wow, this sums it up well.Something I've been working on personally: treat tasks like experiments and get curious about the results.Similar to your approach, but I've found it to be repeatable. Might need to adjust the tasks to be more experiment like, but really helps me
@_beccaharrison I disappointed all of my college professors by declining to pursue graduate school. They were stunned. "I don't think I could deal with a life where I always have a paper due, doc." Like. Even then I was protecting myself.
@Loefars yeah. you know that's not a personal shortcoming or anything to be ashamed of, right? that's your brain processing information so fast that it can *tell* the cost/benefit of continuing to do the thing is *not worth it*. your body not doing something it's not wired to do.
@mykola Honestly because adhd killed my self confidence, first 30% is the hardest for me. So I'm constantly paralyzed, can't start anything, can't live my life, can't have a break either. I live prisoned in the limbo.
@ManikRobot You know, part of the point here is that 30% / 80% / whatever, those numbers aren’t real. They presupposed the existence of 100%, that that would be meaningfully defined. What if there is no intention to complete? Then there IS no progress. And nothing to fail. Just play.
@mykola Ok so the two things that motivate me at that point 1) when I finish the task I will no longer have the unfinished task hanging over me and stressing me out/making me feel bad OR 2) when I finish the task I get to do a new fun exciting task (this helps me finish less-good books)
@mykola This thread was a breakthrough for me. I’m a writer. Really struggle with writing bc I already know everything about “how it goes/ends” beforehand. Can’t see the “point” in even starting once I think about an idea for long enough. This seems impossible to work around. 😕 Tips?
@ofthe_crown So as a lot of other writers have said around this thread, this is why “pantsing” is a thing. (I infer from them the usage that this means something like, writing to discover what happens rather than to document what you already know?)