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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago

My mom gets extremely defensive. My whole life I had judgments like ā€œshe doesn’t listen, she can’t admit fault, she’s unreasonable, obstinate, can only see her own perspectiveā€. Later, I floated the label ā€œnarcissisticā€. I hated this about her, for how much pain it caused me

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4/11/2023
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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

Why? Why would she act that way towards me? It can only be understood in the context of her own upbringing

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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

At age 5 she had to take trains to another city to ask for money from her dad, without any of her own. Basically she had to sneak onto trains as a little girl to her money for food. She was the oldest child, with little brother in a culture that prizes sons over daughters

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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

From a young age she was already having to fend for herself, and play a caretaker role for a younger brother. Her father was often not around, and had gambling problems, among other problems. She never even got to be a kid 😭

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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

She’s defensive and protective because she had to be, to take care of herself and others.

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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

And later in life, while wallowing in the depths of depression, without the support she needed from her husband and son, it was this same defensivensss/fire/tenacity that got her out

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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

What I labeled stubbornness/egocentrism/narcissism/defensiveness was actually a tenacity and will to live that literally saved her life multiple times throughout her life

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4/11/2023
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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

No wonder she lectures me on the importance of being able to fight through challenge, put negative experiences behind, etc. it’s advice that’s repeatedly saved her life

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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

And so while in many scenarios today, I wish she didn’t respond in that way, I cannot help but have respect and appreciation and sometimes even awe for why she does

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4/11/2023
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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

And I also weep for her lost childhood 😭😭 and I also celebrate the love that I now feel towards her

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