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i bet this is a common long-term relationship problem: some kind of dopamine-seeking death spiral where partner A seeks it via interactions w partner B, partner B seeks it via anything else (often video games) neither gets enough, B feels trapped, A feels abandoned
good to catch it early on but it's v spooky how hard it is (for me?) to notice it creeping up?? feels like almost overnight i went from feeling bizarrely secure to like completely unhinged and idk how quickly one turns it around, or what the solution is-- maybe:
- both people need something meaning-making (and maybe to some extent: - partner looking for dopamine via partner should try seeking it elsewhere - partner looking for dopamine everywhere else should try seeking it in partner ???)
there's also a thing going on for me that's like i can pick up emotional cues i just default ignore them without realizing if i have no more explicit info, best i can do is "the vibes are off" which often i translate to "i'm anxious" and ofc this tends to spiral
thing where it's unclear whether physical issues or emotional ones come first, or which is easier to put a dent in https://t.co/7IntKg7Enc
the obvious solution to seeking dopamine via constant stimulation is to do smthg you actually give a shit about, but what's the obvious solution to seeking dopamine via one's partner? how is this different from, like, loving them a lot and paying them lots of attention?--
cant find the relevant thread but romantic relationships have been my priority for about as long as i can remember (finding a partner, making that person happy, whatever) and i suspect there's some childish element to this where i ignore a bunch of important considerations??
when i'm single i feel very like i'm purposeful and on an adventure bc there's a clear goal (find The One!) and when i'm in a relationship all of this wilts away, and i *think* it's bc all my other goals are weaker and more diffused, or matters of necessity
"find a job" is a big one but not very compelling "make cool stuff" is too broad, though ofc what I've learned the last few years is to just *pick something* and *stick with it* (hence why i'm looking for a programming job rn and not still fully floundering)
smthg here also where things always feel precarious to me (not so for lots of other people) so the idea of not prioritizing the person i'm dating even in minor ways feels like ?? no way though that's so wrong and dangerous??
@goblinodds random video i found sort of demonstrating this want: take glasses off mommy need: comfort and presence when he feels disappointed he's not allowed to take them off https://t.co/lB4frVvdCQ