🧵 View Thread
🧵 Thread (16 tweets)
was talking to an old friend about university days, and i remember the logic in my head was literally to chase unavailable people someone already likes me → don’t need to hang out with them, they already like me someone likes me less → hang out more, build a relationship
there was no hanging out with people i like just because it was fun. ain’t nobody got time for that! (nobody being me) im here networking for my life! https://t.co/1pgHyzBI5c
part of me is like ????? we don’t do this? https://t.co/je5xz4rn9C
previously, there was a lot of making friends with the most powerful person in the room. that’s a bit of how i got here even if someone was willing to give to me, if they were not the coolest or most useful person, it felt like i was losing time https://t.co/4lmYNrzHHT
went to a party yesterday, and felt avoidant as fuck of most people, and i noticed how clearly people who felt comfortable and cozy felt differently it’s wild to be tuned into this https://t.co/lchNhfTr84
spent most of the time skulking around like a cat, happy to leave conversations after a couple minutes if i felt like it, finding an empty room and lying in it, accidentally starting a lie on floor party, beginning to enjoy longer conversations, https://t.co/dN2Bqkguhs
still tuning in and out, getting nice scritches, going from to feeling cautious increasingly warm and welcome, talking in simple, broken english, not particularly trying to be close to people i don’t feel close to, being called warm and compared to MDMA despite… that?
it’s funny, im not changing anything with my mind here, my life circumstances just seem to have brought me to a point where the last two friends ive been staying with in SF… felt like that. comfortable friends. it’s just happening, and im just noticing
ive had to sit with some uncomfortable things, like not completely understanding why some people like me so much, but learning to ignore the reasons, and not analyse the yeses n nos so much, n just sort of encounter compatibility when it arises n say yes https://t.co/xsU9HseIEK
@AskYatharth I n t e r e s t i n g. did u know I am a stealth immigrant? first language was Russian, my parents came here direct from the USSR. i Don’t Necessarily Look Like One, but it may play quite a part in my life story & texture …