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i've been marching relentlessly towards self development & relationa skill building for a long time now, to become a person that could have a healthy relationship with my mom. my confidence is growing that i've finally succeeded. ive scarcely considered what it's cost me
tonight at 5 rhythms i cried, as it hit me how indirectly, this march gave way to dynamics that ended my relationship of 7 years, has created disconnect in my relationship with my dad, and minor to substantial disconnect in my relationships with some friends
it's made me this fucking guy an embarrassing amount of the time https://t.co/hFnYC0Bb4B
how much have i sacrificed in my quest to find love with my mother? the better question is, what haven't i sacrificed? lacking the self awareness and self knowledge to know where further sacrifice would lead to resentment
i tried to fix myself so that i could have a loving relationship with my mom, but not fully understanding the repercussions of taking "fixing myself" so seriously. that i would have resentment for the person i'd become