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BIG W ALERT: JUST SHARED WITH MY MOM THAT I HAVE FEARS SHARING STUFF WITH HER, SHE RESPONDED TO THEM. SHE THEN LISTENED WITHOUT INTERRUPTING AS I SHARED ABOUT HOW DIFFICULT IT IS FOR ME TO FEEL LOVE TOWARDS/FROM HER, AND ABOUT HOW MUCH WORK IVE PUT INTO CHANGING THAT
I shared that I'm afraid of conversations escalating, she said she won't do that anymore. I shared that I'm afraid she wouldn't listen, she proactively offered to not speak until I asked her response.
Prior to the conversation, she was telling me stuff and I shared that when she jumps from topic to topic I can't follow, it's like reading a page of multiple books at a time. She understood and asked me to help remind her to slow down and stay with a single topic
At first her response felt slightly irrelevant, though I later realized she was trying to offer an explanation for why the feeling/receiving love might be difficult for me. Felt a bit of fear she didn't hear but then when I asked her what she remembered I said, she got the gist!!
Then I shared a simple request to try and speak in "I's" rather than "you's". Hard to explain why in Chinese, harder to explain to someone who doesn't differentiate between judgments and reality. But it was a start, couldn't quite communicate the meat but she agreed to try!
Then we hugged and I shared my appreciation for her listening to me. Then she started talking about a broader family situation and I felt energized and resourced from having felt heard to hear her out, reflect, make empathy guesses, all that good stuff.
i noticed i didn't at all trust her saying "you don't have to fear setting me off". my first response was "there's no way". to be fair, i don't actually know for sure, though i have some confidence. but even the possibility of an argument escalating is far too terrifying for me