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privacy wasn’t really a thing in our household to convince my parents to not make a fuss out of a closed door, i would have to say “oh i’m talking to my girlfriend” instead of “i’m incredibly activated and triggered right now, please stop, i am in fear”
saying “im activated” wouldn’t make them stop. there was nothing i knew how to say that would make them stop sometimes i would cry (controlled) and that would make them stop, but crying felt very fake, and like cheating
it took a lot of time to comfort myself after i had cried and we had done the “yatharth is crying we should listen to whatever he says” sequence so i didn’t do it very much besides it felt like i was incurring a psychic cost by cheating
in retrospect, it’s true. im glad i didn’t do it more. and im rediscovering a new relationship with crying, which is simply an expression of grief, or emotion, that’s not fawning, that people don’t have to respond with resentful attention https://t.co/mNVCLgm3O0