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finding existence without needing mirroring https://t.co/3qmVfEg9B8
in particular, finding existence without needing mirroring from the people the feelings are about i would basically hide or not consider real feelings i couldn’t bring up in relationships if the feelings didn’t make sense to them
romantic partners, close friends, parents, they can hear about my feelings about them, but they cannot middleman my access and understanding of myself https://t.co/HcAtFuFtaV
my access to my feelings and inner world about someone are for me first married couples know a lot about their partners’ inner lives about each other, but even they don’t know everything and this is healthy https://t.co/6C2TqXOQJj
the singular commandment is: can they care? can they listen to what you need and respond? it’s not interpersonal understanding, although it helps https://t.co/vSxTCeY6dj
constant disclosure is a kind of substitute for actual earned security in relationships the security you’ll be around each other because you just sort of like each other https://t.co/4vqrNPo8AN
i’m learning that if i want secure-functioning relationships (not enmeshment), connection with myself is what makes me trustworthy https://t.co/KYpPVCEqSx
not limiting my connection to myself to only what i implicitly sense the relational container can handle OR being a jerk and jerking someone around with the micro movements of my feelings https://t.co/wxbpZ0dWy3
as another example, “buffering people from your feelings” is another normal behaviour most people learn but in this culture, as i experienced it, this wasn’t modelled. not disclosing everything was, at worst, evil, at best, weak. it wasn’t just… normal. and considerate https://t.co/amWdog6M6Y
freedom from enmeshment, instead yawning and basking in the whole expanse or myself https://t.co/pIaxH20x1u