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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

the way out of a codependent relationship with your parents is not to try to change their behaviour. it’s to put more distance between you and them so they can keep having the feelings they’re having while you have space for yours

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12/30/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

as i spend more time with my parents, im realising i was trying to control their reactions, because they were interfering with my mine im realising the secret is to not try to to control their behaviour, to make them stop doing my triggers, but rather to *internally move away*

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12/30/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

communication can be part of it, and their changing their behaviour can be part of it, and has been — but 𝘪 𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘧𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘪 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘬

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12/30/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

see also: external vs internal boundaries my integrity cannot be conditioned on their accepting my boundary. that’s literally not what a boundary is https://t.co/HU84ncM60g

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• almost 3 years ago

a really helpful distinction between external boundaries (requests of other people) and internal boundaries (your own behaviour you’re always in control of) https://t.co/oxSvO1oC0U

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

you don’t “break” codependence, you just leave it setting your sights on “breaking” codependence is setting your sights on the very frame you wish to leave https://t.co/H5DwJXbn6G

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

setting your sights on “breaking” codependence is setting your sights on the very frame you wish to leave https://t.co/BDhnq06zlV

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

the other important thing about leaving codependence is evolving the binaries of the system there’s a binary that says “moving away is cold!” you can just reject this binary and evolve the system from within

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12/30/2022

yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

you say, “no, i am setting this boundary, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 we can still have warmth.” you show the system a new 𝘱𝘰𝘴𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘪𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘺

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Johnson (TC House Lisbon -Dec)@justavagrant_• over 2 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth 100% resonate with the first sentence, but curious if you would say the same of all relationships (friendships, romantic, etc) for the latter sentence

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yatharth in asheville@AskYatharth• over 2 years ago

Replying to @justavagrant_

@justavagrant_ oh, definitely

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12/30/2022