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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago

i think ive had a false sense of confidence most of my life

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12/3/2022
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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

False as in my sense of it was grounded in power, control, entitlement. I’ve felt confident when I had those things. And I've consistently sought environments where I felt them. They governed my world since I was a child

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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

As I've run into problems with domination/power over and leaned into partnership/power with, i've noticed varying amounts of balking towards this subconscious approach

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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

“Acting confident”, “faking it til you make it” - commonly peddled advice - was role playing as someone that felt those things when I didn't

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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

This has a lot of undesirable consequences, particularly around perpetuating domination dynamics, eg 1) lack of belonging (https://t.co/NlS4qsgUAW)

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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

2) lack of clarity around where I stand with others, due in part to making demands rather than requests, which leads to silly hypotheticals like this, trying to guess/pre-empt people's discomfort https://t.co/C7CPF15JJi

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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago

how would you feel if someone asked you "would you feel comfortable saying no if i asked if you were open to giving me a kiss"

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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

Not to mention the potentially enormous impact on the unfortunate counterparts of my interactions, of course

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Johnson (Seattle Oct-Nov, Taiwan Dec-)@justavagrant_• almost 3 years ago
Replying to @justavagrant_

And since it's role playing, "acting", I would of course ham it up and lean in to play the bit, which simply exaggerated these issues

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12/3/2022