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@AskYatharth sorry to be annoyingly visa in your replies but https://t.co/aovMLHV4Ib
@visakanv shit. from when we first dm’ed https://t.co/LBspwqUlOL
Kind ≠nice. @visakanv made this point to me, and he’s someone who builds that trust, that he will fuck around and tell you what’s up, not always, and not naïvely, but he has more of the skill to say it, and more respect for you to take it. https://t.co/QvFqAyJoSV
@visakanv also i’ve been making the transition from “man afraid of being seen to hurt women” to just “man being his values” and it’s all related somehow *gestures at whodunnit board* https://t.co/El42OUU7FS
@AskYatharth here too the music/mistake thing is relevant: as long as you’re not going around actively hurting women, the impt thing is less “optimize for 0 hurt”, more “be dynamic about responding to hurt caused in the most gracious/respectful/classy way possible”. sensible ppl appreciate it
@AskYatharth part of my own trauma here was “what if your peer group is not sensible?” https://t.co/2AHJf2Psmb
@visakanv ooo. this reminds me of this king of a thread @ElodesNL posted on boundaries which single-handedly made me way less neurotic, confused, more confidence, etc? stuff is dynamic around sensible people https://t.co/lg9aIQiBsy
@phallusoraptors it installed in me a felt understanding that boundaries, which I used to view as inherent and fundamentally unchanging, were in truth fluid things; their very nature is that they're always in flux! they must be re-checked and re-measured constantly.
@AskYatharth @ElodesNL yea it’s also interesting to consider how people might conflict on their discussion of the norms in these domains bc of different unstated assumptions about the level of sensibility in the peer group. If you’re operating in hostile crowd, makes sense to be very cautious
@visakanv you remember that scene from Suits where Harvey wins against the guy and then lets him have the car anyway? i think about that a lot https://t.co/LBspwqUlOL
Kind ≠nice. @visakanv made this point to me, and he’s someone who builds that trust, that he will fuck around and tell you what’s up, not always, and not naïvely, but he has more of the skill to say it, and more respect for you to take it. https://t.co/QvFqAyJoSV