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When I was 13, I flunked out of the gifted education program in my country. I was told that my failure was a disappointment to the Indian community. On retrospect that was a really shitty thing to say to a child, and also very myopic, and selfish https://t.co/1k7HYBLDAx
Being a minority means being an ambassador and representative of your entire community, whether you like it or not. You donāt have a choice in this. Your life is a battleground of collective worries and anxieties, both ingroup and outgroup https://t.co/kVbMZ5aRNa
If you want to mess with a child, an effective way to do it is to go through the parents. The child might not fully understand the complex and elaborate way youāre trying to shame him, but heāll notice that his parents are anxious, angry and afraid
Circling back - I didnāt notice this at the time, but this particular letter mentions two issues: internal motivation and poor study habits. I still have poor study habits š but internal motivation was never actually, properly addressed. I wonder why š¤
The cool thing about having had this experience and having spent over a decade reflecting on it is that Iāve gotten pretty sensitive to buried assumptions and derivative reasoning. So much of social reality is buried assumptions and derivative reasoning https://t.co/Gm2XruZ9OD
Gd question! I think everyone was under pressure. I think the GEP teachers were under pressure to make sure their kids succeeded- it was a small class (13 kids?) and one kid flunking wouldāve been a big smudge on both the teacherās record, and the systemās https://t.co/zVgWwAS8A7
Interesting to consider then the sheer amount of weight that was on my 13-year-old back - my parentsā, my teachersā, the Indian communityās, and arguably the GEP itself, at the time the crown jewel of Singaporeās education system. My failure would hurt *everyone*. Seemed like it!
The year before that I was called up to the Ministry Of Education HQ and basically interrogated by education officers - and made to sign a āPersonal Statement Of Commitmentā. It was pretty Kafkaesque https://t.co/g7SuNMGw83
At the time it never really occurred to me that I could say no to any of this. My community needed it, right? I was a *child*. I just happened to like reading books, & got excited and curious about things in my own way. Which is still how I am now, really https://t.co/gxjcc4f3Xv
Itās hard to overstate how much this entire experience has shaped who I am as a person. A part of me still constantly needs to prove that I can be a valuable asset to my community - to any community - and not by jumping through hoops and passing tests, but by being who I am.
A year after I left the GEP, I started dating this really smart, funny sweet girl. Is 14 too young to be dating? We didnāt care. We made each otherās lives more tolerable. Unfortunately Iām Tamil and sheās Punjabi, and lots of people have a problem with this
I canāt get into too much detail- this is mostly her story to tell- but again, what shouldāve been a joyful experience for us was regularly bombarded with the hellish projections of other people. Our love was real, but every damn aunty had to judge us https://t.co/QIGqbSNbB3
LGBTQ folks probably have it worse, but ā I honestly cannot believe how many people have to hate on my wife & I just for existing. From the very beginning, us being happy & in love & taking care of each other is a *problem* for some people. Never ceases to astound me
A quick recap of how I was feeling - I canāt read a book without my life becoming a battleground for minority excellence - I canāt love my girlfriend without our life becoming a battleground for inter-ethnic relationships Iām not even 15 yet!
I felt like I had two choices Either I was going to think of myself a victim, have low self-esteem, hate myself and the world Or I was going to think of myself as a hero, burdened with glorious purpose, have high self-esteem, decide it was my responsibility to fix everything
I changed my usernames everywhere to āvisa is a heroā and started blogging about how to fix society š I would urge people to be kinder and more gracious, to think more critically. Several (many?) people found this arrogant and insufferable. Which I absolutely was
I had a group of friends who were all misfits in their own ways, and we would call each other out viciously on our flaws and failings. āYou are deeply, pathetically insecure,ā one of them told me. āYou hardly listen to anyone. Youāre really full of yourself.ā He was right
āPatheticā is a little harsh. I think we were all needlessly harsh on each other because that was the language we inherited. I think we also felt like we needed a harsh language to deal with our harsh reality. I no longer believe this. There is a better way
We couldāve been kinder to each other - nurturing and supportive, without coddling or bullshitting each other. Challenge without antagonizing. We can all do this for each other, and we should. I try to embody this myself as an form of resistance against a needlessly cruel world
I was raised by libraries https://t.co/63xK6PUR6W
Reflecting this morning on how my starting conditions were a lot more hostile, cold, abrasive and distant than I choose to remember. I think itās actually quite remarkable that Iām not much more of an asshole; all credit for that goes to the libraries & storytellers who raised me https://t.co/evTjkNiupW
just realized I didn't actually close the loop on the girlfriend story ā I married her! https://t.co/za8kALPNoT
@tasshinfogleman š„² https://t.co/ezwlf3BsJq
@visakanv ok this made me cry šwas realizing current Tasshin could have been a good older brother figure to past Visa and vice versa, current Visa to young Michael just thinking that feels sweet and healing for me š