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š§µ Thread (21 tweets)
Iāve found myself returning to the word ācontemptā a lot this year. The word āhateā has gotten diluted (āi hate my husband lolā can be a statement of affection, for example). But *contempt* is something vicious. Contempt is the #1 predictor of divorce https://t.co/vFKGA1LDH6
I think itās very important to be able to discern & identify contempt, bc it is noxious & destructive as hell. Contempt isnāt mere criticism, or disagreement, or dislike, or distaste. Contempt is wrath. Contempt is a deep, fundamental vicious resentment that borders on murderous
āI can tolerate anything except intoleranceā sounds cute, silly, paradoxical, like a parlour game. āTolerate anything except contemptā seems like a more intuitive directive to me. Contempt justifies abuse. Contempt is the stepping stone to all kinds of dehumanization
The devil of course is always in the details, & people will argue over whether some particular statement is contemptuous or not. Hatefuckers who are moderately intelligent are masters at gleefully wrapping up their contempt in plausible deniability, jokes and bad-faith questions
But we should at least be able to agree on the following premises: 1. Some people are contemptuous towards others. 2. This should not be tolerated. Some Americans at this point tend to get wrapped up in Free Speech, which is kind of a boring point of contention to me
From what I understand, #1A means yaāll canāt make laws against contempt, because anti-contempt laws will inevitably be abused by federal authorities. Thatās understandable. But that doesnāt mean you should tolerate contempt as private citizens!
Hereās the optimal response to people being contemptuous to you. Itās HARD, itās PAINFUL, itās A LOT TO ASK, but itās optimal: Cold, calm indifference. Dump his ass, cleanly, calmly. No explanation necessary. This is the nuclear option & requires nerves of steel, exhibited here: https://t.co/NubXDtoCcd
Of course, not everybody has this option. Contemptuous, manipulative abusers often design their abuse carefully to make their victims powerless, angry, upset, emotional, overwhelmed, āirrationalā, etc, then use all of that against them. Hideously cruel
What are isolated, disenfranchised individuals to do? Build coalitions. You canāt act alone against someone who has power over you. You need to find others who can help you. There is a science to calmly ejecting assholes and hatefuckers from communities: https://t.co/a05ORS8orF
The important thing is to be extremely calm while you do it. They want you to get mad. They want to use your āoverreactionā as fuel to recruit and inspire more hatefuckers to rally and assemble against you. Itās annoying and unfair, but thatās the game.
Imagine a cool, collected bouncer, saying āyou need to leaveā in a neutral but firm voice. Imagine a roomful of people all coordinating that response in reaction to someone whoās absolutely losing their shit. Thatās basically the skillset that we need to collectively develop
(Wow I queued up some tweets about a battered partner in an abusive marriage having to murder their spouse, and my iPad hung and itās all gone. Rude.) Anyway, if you have truly no choice but to murder your spouse, do it calmly, quietly. Donāt telegraph it. Donāt be Oberyn Martell
[dear authorities: the above was a hypothetical scenario where someone is manipulated, abused, cut off from all help, and canāt trust anyone to protect them (including the authorities), and genuinely is living in chronic, debilitating terror] [PSA: please do not murder people]
This. https://t.co/XkqbL2TEnT
@visakanv And don't tell your second husband about it or you'll have to kill him too... https://t.co/8Rpb58m5ZJ
@visakanv did you see this thread? https://t.co/IC9D8y7Yal
@visakanv https://t.co/8i3nkWSYPL