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@nat_sharpe_ Self loathing is a defense mechanism, like putting up a razor wire fence that says TRESPASSERS WILL BE SHOT. Behind the fence are your most vulnerable, fragile, unstable parts, waiting for rescue. Also it turns out the fence is just a cardboard cutout of a razor wire fence.
@nat_sharpe_ hating yourself lets you anticipate the actions of unreliable caregivers an imperfect model, decent enough for a kid tho. also kids are the center of their own world so everything must be abt them, including other ppl’s unreliability
@nat_sharpe_ this is also why people w unhealthy early relationships tend to repeat them. they meet new, nicer people - and then they're like, wait, either I throw out this new person, *or* I throw out my prior emotional reality. & often they keep the emotional reality. letting go hurts!
@nat_sharpe_ the part of you that's doing the hating gets to feel powerful and righteous https://t.co/ZQ7JbXSJVD
@nat_sharpe_ omg I asked my self-doubting part directly, and: “assuming that I’m the broken one feels safer! if powerless child me is right about this, and the powerful adults are the wrong ones - omg we’re all fucked. I prefer to believe ‘I’m wrong, and they can keep me safe’”
@nat_sharpe_ 💜💜 hey there young elena, you made it. you’ve more agency now. what if it’s safer to trust that instinct of yours, than to deny it and outsource protection to someone else? not only safer - also joyous too? what if you now truly have the efficacy to live it out?