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Let’s see how this goes, but: what’s some shadowy shit that you have focused time and energy on, and are kinda loathe to admit that apparently some part of you wants to see more of it? https://t.co/mpyW3clSXG
A big one for me (though maybe it doesn’t count, cuz I’m not loathe to admit it) is melancholy—I absolutely love when I can get a good melancholy rolling. So much deeper and richer than happiness and contentment, there are whole worlds inside of a good melancholic evening
Poverty, maybe. I’ve always been poor, & I’ve always been shocked & appalled by how people who’ve never been poor act & talk about things. Completely disconnected from the reality most folks live in. If I’m honest, this is a scab I pick at, and there’s fetid deliciousness there
@the_wilderless recently i looked up a bunch of old porn flash games i used to masturbate to 😅 i think there's some really interesting shadowy stuff going on in some of them, would like to write about porn more in general going forward, still very half-baked atm tho
@QiaochuYuan @the_wilderless I've been really curious as to what in porn drew me so intensely to it for so long (other than the obvious) the addictive frame of it providing a substitute for a need that isn't being met has yielded a lot and this is also something I want to examine in myself
@QiaochuYuan @the_wilderless Yeah for sure, I feel like there's a weird dichotomy here with porn being widely accepted and simultaneously unexamined there's a massive project somewhere in this space that we're collectively looking away from that creates some absolute nonsense
@the_wilderless first phrase that came to mind is "sleep deprivation" lol its 2am and i vaguely was telling myself to go to bed like 2-3 hours ago... maybe there's a smarter answer... maybe if I slept I would have that answer... maybe i am afraid of who i will become if i'm better-rested
@the_wilderless well, fuck. honest answer? self-exile and isolation, and living as a complete and total incel, i apparently love it because i don't have any drama, whatsoever, ever and throw all my creative energy, and frustration increasingly into meditation, contemplation, and storytelling