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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago

tell me about your path from parasocial to social (from twitter as interactive TV to network of genuine friendships)

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3/19/2022
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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

I think it's not obvious that this is a place for friendship & kindness & collaboration, some ppl have figured it out but its not easy to see what they're doing, what obstacles they encounter, what tactics are good social skills are generally vague and especially so here

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3/19/2022
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Jess@frideswythover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels I think @_awbery_ was the first person I met irl, they dm’d after I spammed their partner’s blog with comments and replies, about 6-9 months after becoming active on Twitter in 2015 ish?? I’ve been meeting and hosting Twitter moots ever since. Probably met around 70 ppl so far.

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3/19/2022
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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago
Replying to @frideswyth

@ssica3003 @_awbery_ were you making real twitter friendships before meeting ppl irl? or was the irl threshold the moment you realised real friendship is possible here

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3/19/2022
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Jess@frideswythover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels Hard to say. The first meets were probably just because they lived where I lived or were passing through (lesswrong had a norm of hosting each other). In latter years I’ve actively tried to meet long time Twitter friends because I know meeting is so cool.

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3/19/2022
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Jess@frideswythover 3 years ago
Replying to @frideswyth

@RichDecibels But yeah I was actively trying to use Twitter as a tool to meet my heros irl

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3/19/2022
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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago
Replying to @frideswyth

@ssica3003 say more about the role of lw?

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3/19/2022
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Jess@frideswythover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels Well the LW folks in London had some kind of Google group and ppl who were coming to London would ask if anyone could host them during their visit. ditto if they went to the u.s. or Europe, you’d find the local Google group and post your visit details there.

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3/19/2022
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Jess@frideswythover 3 years ago
Replying to @frideswyth

@RichDecibels I definitely hosted a girl I can’t remember now from that directly. I feel like the lw connection helped me meet @garybasin and maybe @coyotespike but perhaps im wrong and that was pure Twitter 🤔

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3/19/2022
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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago
Replying to @frideswyth

@ssica3003 @garybasin @coyotespike it's interesting bc lw is a smaller more specific context than twitter at large, so maybe easier to form & transmit social norms

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3/19/2022
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Jess@frideswythover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels @garybasin @coyotespike In a way yes, but in another way LW is way bigger than tcot/ ingroup or it was for me for a long time. Scott’s surveys get answered by tens of thousands of people, for example. But I only have about 300 mutuals.

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3/19/2022
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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago
Replying to @frideswyth

@ssica3003 @garybasin @coyotespike true true, maybe not smaller, but greater density of shared context = easier to make friends

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3/19/2022
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Jess@frideswythover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels Yes having a defined campfire makes it easier, but we wouldn’t be meta-rats if we weren’t fluid and illegible I guess

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels I think I'm having trouble answering this because of the frame. Twitter was never parasocial or interactive TV for me. it was more like solo or semi-social journal (late 2000's to mid 2010's) to... whatever we have now

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@RichDecibels a big milestone for me was taking Tiago's BASB course. I made a lot of friends during that and tweeted and threaded and wrote blog posts and did lots of video calls with people and eventually collaborations and projects and jobs

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@RichDecibels I met people in person whenever possible and since I've traveled a lot in the last years and been in key hubs like the Bay I've been able to meet a lot of people

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@RichDecibels after I came out of the cabin retreat in 2020 I was very online in all my free time and made a lot of friends in these neck of the woods - I was in the vicinity before and knew people and interacted but it really came to life then, partly because of lockdown I suppose

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@RichDecibels at that point I started prioritizing and doubling down on my projects and putting my writing out there. it was fulfilling for me personally, seemed to help people, and also for our purposes here gave lots of surface area for interacting with me

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@RichDecibels when I left the monastery (again) last year I became even more online and soon started traveling full time so that's given me more time for interactions, calls and messages. projects, collaborations, meeting in person

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@RichDecibels I basically see everyone on the timeline as a friend or potential friendhttps://t.co/4WhMJYFfKQ

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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago

you can change the way you perceive everyone in the world by using the word "friend" liberally https://t.co/wEpUplidKY

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@RichDecibels if anything my growth edge here is bringing this same mentality to people I meet strictly IRL, out of any shared context which helps tremendouslyhttps://t.co/4mkHGR5HlK

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QC@QiaochuYuanover 3 years ago

it is kinda nice to defaulting to assuming that literally every human being within eyesight is someone i could walk up to, introduce myself to, and make friends with

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3/19/2022
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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@tasshinfogleman near as I can tell, @BayoAkomolafe calls everyone "brother" or "sister" and its so inviting! like, I dare us to trust & respect each other

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3/19/2022
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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels @BayoAkomolafe I love that and do sometimes call people brother or sister but it feels scarier / edgier to me? I'd like to lean into it more though

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3/19/2022
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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago
Replying to @tasshinfogleman

@tasshinfogleman gotcha, sounds like shared experience (at higher bandwidth than the timeline allows) with a critical mass of ppl who were already active in twitter

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3/19/2022
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Visakan Veerasamy@visakanvover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels for me i always thought of the internet as a place to make friends from the moment i first logged on, going back to geocities and guestbooks and webrings and old bbs forums etc

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3/19/2022
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Richard D. Bartlett@RichDecibelsover 3 years ago
Replying to @visakanv

@visakanv why

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3/19/2022
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Visakan Veerasamy@visakanvover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels because I was a lonely kid and I wanted to make friends so I looked for people to make friends with

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3/19/2022
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ChrisD@sensefulroninover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels I use Twitter to find online events to then meet people then become mutuals. It’s an underutilized event promoting tool. I ended up getting 50 followers in one night through a meetup promoted on Twitter and various discords.

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels a few people have said they learned the practice of DMing people and asking them to zoom call from me this was essential imo, it just left me with a sense of real people

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@RichDecibels for a surprising number of people i invited, it was the first time they’d done something like this gems of people like @DarbraDawn, etc.

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@RichDecibels @DarbraDawn the people i talked to on a daily or weekly basis changed. the moment people went from “online friends” to just “friends” was when i started counting on them for things people like @DaltonDEmery, etc.

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@RichDecibels @DarbraDawn @DaltonDEmery i really do think asking people for help is doing both of you the favour of orienting towards a tighter knit relationship

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@RichDecibels @DarbraDawn @DaltonDEmery community is really ≠ friends part of the point of a community is that you can find the circle of people who are actually your friends, and among them, who are actually in your inner circle of loved ones

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@RichDecibels @DarbraDawn @DaltonDEmery asked some people for help with grad school apps. that was huge. randos like @rhymeswithvocal replied to help and now we’re friends and call each other out of the blue sometimes

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@RichDecibels @DarbraDawn @DaltonDEmery @rhymeswithvocal i never really did the reply guy thing for me it just just a solo or semi-social journal and it still really is if i could only use twitter for one thing, it would still be that. journaling in semi-public saved my life https://t.co/1v0eb7lr4z

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Fun Pilgrim@tasshinfoglemanover 3 years ago

@RichDecibels I think I'm having trouble answering this because of the frame. Twitter was never parasocial or interactive TV for me. it was more like solo or semi-social journal (late 2000's to mid 2010's) to... whatever we have now

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@RichDecibels @DarbraDawn @DaltonDEmery @rhymeswithvocal people seem to have their own way. @goblinodds apparently does group video calls?? some people reply a lot? some meet irl? fascinating

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3/19/2022
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

keywords: twitter, journal; sorry, gotta tag

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3/19/2022
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goblin waifu@goblinoddsover 3 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

@AskYatharth @RichDecibels @DarbraDawn @DaltonDEmery @rhymeswithvocal o yea i dont org them tho (but i want to org some in future)

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3/20/2022
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Malcolm Ocean 🏴‍☠️@Malcolm_Oceanover 3 years ago
Replying to @RichDecibels

@RichDecibels I never really used it parasocially, more just like, tweet into the void or participate in the hashtag of an event I'm at then in 2017 I decided I was gonna talk to people (having been tweeting & reading but not replying much to the people I admired) see https://t.co/p5PutR2IGS

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3/21/2022