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i've been anxious to read the [[SQUIGGLE SCREECHES]] that i've left behind for three months, but reading how gentle visa was in personal journey of introspection through the book's "ramblings" gave me the courage to delve into my own writing
it was cool to recognize parts of my own writing that i could personally improve: personal voice, word choice, pacingreading thru my entries, i felt like a teacher grading my own essays, but it felt oddly nourishing. i then asked myself, "why wasn't writing fun LIKE THIS?"
i felt this wave of sadness for all of the times i had put my internal voice of articulation under so much scrutiny and doubtmy fear to read my writing was a fear of subjecting myself to the tyrant that i was secretly so familiar withbut no longer.
growing up, i quietly held tight onto a dream to become a musician as it kept me company through the hoops of prestige and meritocracyafter reading through my notes alongside visa's threads, that dream grew hollow and brokenbut a curious light peeked through.