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2️⃣ there’s a useful linguistic move that goes when people are saying “you’re trying to fuck with me”, you can translate that “i can’t trust that what you’re doing is not trying to fuck with me” and then you can’t argue with that trust just is
5️⃣ Malcolm isn’t describing a technique for trust; he’s describing /the way trust is formed, any time it is formed/ non-naïve trust is less in the class of things like NVC and more in the class of things like aerodynamics: it is the study of the /thing that is going on/
7️⃣ protocols are great, like NVC, but when protocol breaks down, the thing you need is not necessarily more protocol or other protocol it’s a meta-understanding of how things are working so you stop trying to apply more protocol, and abdicate to (4)
8️⃣ blame is a type of explanation, in the same way geocentrism is an explanation of how things are working it’s trying to explain how things work, and what can be done, and like geocentrism, it’s very intuitive, but it an be wrong or confused
9️⃣ trust dancing is a lot about “interrupting” and “evidences” other people’s trust patterns and blockers it’s asking what do you need, what are the emotional dream mash-ups you’re in, and offering interrupts and evidence in a non-naïve way
reminds me of “you cannot fall out of the universe”, also something i learned from malcolm https://t.co/N2hsGtuTor
1️⃣2️⃣ a lot of this seems to boil down to interrupting and making different choices in our patterns if your existing patterns were working for you, well, great! you don’t need any of this you need this to make different choices to get different outcomes
he answers something like 1. @m_ashcroft’s narrow awareness. sometimes feels unsafe, and then you’re in this very embodied sense of what are the stakes and what needs to be done 2. very explicit beliefs! like if two people disagree, one of them is wrong. or someone is at fault
1️⃣4️⃣ “deep coherence” seems a big part of all this recognising the /coherence/ of things without / agreeing/ with it but not /disagreeing/ with it but also just recognising the deep /existence and fact and coherence of it/
1️⃣5️⃣ one of the subtle ways these frameworks like NVC or a marriage communication book works is that they are kind of building trust just by the fact that both of you seem to be participating in this activity where you kind of want to communicate better
1️⃣6️⃣ one way to summarise all this is “force doesn’t work” or more precisely: “when force doesn’t work, more force often doesn’t work” something else might, or it might ont, but probably not more. we try more force more often than it works
@AskYatharth video is now live: https://t.co/Eft5BslkQQ
My stoa video about my NNTD framework is now live! I think the presentation was a solid "okay", but the Q&A was stellar on all counts (as I would expect from the stoa!) Check it out here 👇 (Q&A starts 27mins in if you already know the gist of NNTD) https://t.co/6TZAPcF2rJ