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“stop and smell the roses” is such a stock phrase I do notice tho like, in moments of real freedom, one of the things I naturally end up doing is taking really slow, luxurious walks and just enjoying all sensation- wind and sun on my skin, and even the physical sense of balance
I’ve now noticed myself embodying this state on several separate occasions, all coinciding with minimum stress states: done with school, done with military service, done with employment, done with book. no immediate goal or target, just existing, free-roaming blissfully
I think what’s really cool – because I’m a fucken nerd lol – is that this most recent cycle was a deliberate experiment on my part. I did not have to choose Introspect as my second book. I knew it would kick my ass. I could have done any of the others. But I wanted my ass kicked
It was very weird explaining this to my wife, who I think was not particularly interested in enduring this via proxy, but bless her she loves me enough to tolerate my bullshit at some level tho I felt deeply that confronting all my shit and integrating it would be a net positive
it’s been about a week so far, I’m still recovering, but I think the answer will be yes. I feel like I’ve been psychologically re-set, re-aligned this can’t possibly be the end of course I’m sure there’s much more I don’t even know about But I feel really really good rn 🥰❤️🙏🏾
takes time to even begin to appreciate what I’m feeling deep deep gratitude to all my past selves – i started writing this book around 2018 but really it REALLY started when I was a kid. Finishing it feels like finishing a childhood project of 20 years, fixing a 20yo leak
and I know it might seem weird/harsh to describe a 20 year project as a leak, but in terms of like psychic damage/unintegration, that feels like an honest assessment. I been leaking *something* all this time. Or inversely, blocked up. Somehow both are true. Misalignment pains
and now I feel better-aligned, more in tune with myself than ever before. if anyones wondering “is it worth suffering the pain of facing my shit when life is already hard enough”, my personal answer is yes, and I will support you thru it if I can (like uh via some texts lol) https://t.co/TFnTrGijQV