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🧵 Thread (16 tweets)
thread where i think out loud about my book for probably the 40th time my honest take is that Introspect is a tedious, lumbering, clunky book that's trying to do more than what is realistically possible given the author's current ability... and/but that's good actually
it's a strange mix of bottom-up stream-of-consciousness belching (not enough of this IMO, if I rewrote it again I would have more of this) and top-down orchestration, and it's kind of the worst of both worlds, and yet i feel adamantly that this is how it's supposed to be
the book has a structure to it that i'm both very proud of and very annoyed by. it's a challenge to simultaneously have a good narrative, convey the power and value of narratives, and also warn about the limitations of narratives. and to do all of this via both content and form
I agonize about the fact that I haven't gone deeply enough into each section. Most sections feel like they could be entire books themselves. and yet Act 2 alone is 30,000 words long – that's before we even get into the Real Shit in Acts 3 and 4. Act 2 is a full half of the book
and... meditating on it, searching my soul, bla bla, I return to the writing advice I wrote down 7 years ago... goddamnit this fucker is right all imperfections are tolerable, forgivable, if there is clarity of vision and purpose. and mine gets frustratingly murky in parts https://t.co/2czbTBQfu8
so when i'm talking about edits i'm not really talking so much about like, copy, typos, grammar, etc. a bunch of that is going to be a bit of a mess and I don't have time to fix it. the thing that drives me nuts is that i'm still not sure – this "late" in the process – abt act4/5
so ok all of the above was preamble for me to talk about this. and i'll be a little vague/abstract somewhat because that's the level at which I want to fix things. this tweet 👇🏾 works as sort of a speedrun setup for our hypothetical protagonist https://t.co/wbSm8YBe0p
i'm reflecting on how layered it is 1. there's some desire in ur heart 2. follow it, get burned. pain 3. create a barrier around the desire, lock it up 4. now feel cold, desolate 5. feel bad abt cold 6. beat self up for feeling bad 7. detach 8. ugh why am i so bored & listless
act 1 is about the call to adventure, waking up to the world you inhabit, the ignorant bliss of childhood, the series of breaches of sanitized bubble realities (the womb, the family unit, peer group, "society"), the emotional realities of the struggles to come https://t.co/YJS4vMKl2C
act 2 is a whole lotta grinding. i believe it's both necessary and worthwhile, because at each step of the way you should become stronger, more powerful, more confident, and these are the things I believe you need to do before you confront the harsher, uglier shit down the road https://t.co/TPNei0aVWt
act 3 we begin to get into the murky depths of things. but we have faith & hold the line bc we know we are walking an ancient path that our predecessors walked before us. this is what we've been training for. we get into our fears, investigate our copes, confront our programming https://t.co/jtBWuVhoNJ
act 4 is where we face the final boss: it's us. at the heart of the labyrinth is everything about ourselves that we find grotesque, hideous, cursed. here is where we break down sobbing when we realize, he's not a monster, he's a child. he's me. and here we learn what love is https://t.co/VaAYNUKXZy
finally act 5 – rebirth and renewal, a rediscovery of the pure innocent joy of childhood. we have nothing more to hide, no longer do we need to suppress ourselves in fear. we may now use our strong muscles to be tender, to support, nourish, encourage ourselves and each other https://t.co/Xd27ji2zQw
sounds pretty good yea? lol. well the funny thing is that this particular retelling deviates somewhat from the book itself as it stands. this 👆🏾 is the top-down narrative. it can be helpful but its also tricky. the bottom-up reality is messier and uglier and more convoluted
but actually it's interesting – even just retelling this story (again) has somehow brought up certain vibes that I don't think are well-represented, and I think I could integrate them into the book in maybe an hour or so that would signpost it significantly better
somewhere between acts 4 and 5 is "the dark night of the soul", which is a description of the bleakest part of the experience, collapse of all meaning, and I'm not quite sure where exactly it should be. i'm not sure if I should end 4 with it or start 5 with it. end, I think.