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was dwelling on why i care about non-coercion and all that i dug up and published an old journal entry from the summer where i first realized the ways my emotional and motivational shit was twisted up in a way that was hurting me https://t.co/FPfPiB2GI9
dwelling on the illusory tension between the real thing i see in this thread, and what i care about in giving details about how I got to now https://t.co/3C6Tvkk7V6
one reason i care about giving relatively detail rich "this is how I used to feel" is to make something people might be able to see themselves in to produce that *click* like, i got set off on this whole journey because some dude had a random aside/ https://t.co/o5ksLMAEue
/in a blog post about learning statistics, and in that aside ("being red, but playing white because thinkng that was the only way to get what I want") i was like "holy shit, I'm not even sure i know what that means but I'm SHOOK and need to talk to find out more"
k, so that makes it clear it's less "back story" and more just "a story" in it's own right with it's own purposes. hmmm, i think i feel iffy about is the pull to narrativization. Like, I'm VERY confident about many of the details of my journey, and when inflection points where/
/because of just... years of journaling, endless notes, lots of just "having actually been paying attention at the time" i wonder what is the extra thing that is "narrativizing" that is separate from sharing the details...