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here is one possible very simplified version of the causal network which consists only of plausible leverage points that i happen to be particularly into: self-hatred ➡️ emotional suppression ➡️ carefully crafted masks that break under stress
most dating advice is about improving your mask. this is a fundamentally brittle and inflexible strategy, directly antithetical to the sense of play and creativity that the best romantic experiences are made of, because there is not shared awareness that the mask is just a mask
"feel your feelings" as dating advice (less common but found e.g. in models by mark manson) is about undoing emotional suppression. but if you hate yourself this will be very difficult in multiple ways. a lot of what might come up will feel unbearable
self-hatred generates a lot of feelings about your feelings that will contribute to emotional suppression, mostly different flavors of shame: i shouldn't feel this way, feeling this way makes me a loser, a freak, an idiot, a degenerate, a crazy person
we must remember the foundational principle: everything that people do makes sense, including a lifetime of emotional suppression. that has to be honored. it's not as if the solution is to hate yourself for suppressing your emotions 😅
in any case i'm coming around to the idea that self-love in one form or another is the true foundation of undoing emotional suppression: you must be able to love yourself enough to believe that you deserve to feel everything you actually feel and that it is all okay
in conclusion: if you think dating discourse is bad the solution is to crowd it out with better dating discourse. say it with me now https://t.co/yghQBj5h56
aw hell yeah that's what i'm talmbout https://t.co/5Ga1NADFOO