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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Starting the gym every day is about starting in war mode. It’s not about motivation, or exercise; it’s something else. It’s slipping into an embodied knowing: https://t.co/fSl1cwlI7t

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

To continue this thread: Before I started going to the gym, I think I had this idea that life should never actually really feel uncomfortable without a reason to me. https://t.co/H5xIQCmpA1

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

That things can be hard, and *I don’t have to worry that they are hard.* I don’t have to worry that taking on pain is causing some existential mortal wound to me, because I should be optimising to not have pain. https://t.co/sXr8Mt2Mqu

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

@rmpars there’s something similar but hard i tried to communicate earlier today it’s the hardness of the thing as much as “am i hurting myself for doing it???” it fucking existentially hurts https://t.co/FKmpqjOde2

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

Before, I’d worry if I was causing myself pain, because I had a very top-level loop saying “I shouldn’t be feeling pain.” I couldn’t just take it.

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

It’s hard to explain, but it wasn’t the physical pain or hardness of it. It was the existential torment of “Should I be doing this??” https://t.co/ztH334GvRr

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Both of these are incredibly high-stakes 1. If I don’t get the bottle, I am somehow mortally wounding myself by not doing something I so obviously should 2. If I do compromise on doing something I don’t want to, then . . . https://t.co/D2hEXGRgKo

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

Now, there is some *embodied knowing* about how pain isn’t actually bad, and kinda okay, and 𝘪𝘵’𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘭𝘥 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘬𝘴 https://t.co/3KJpk8kx54

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Meanwhile, on the days I do go the gym, it’s like my body just grasps this is the way the world works, and has no particular hang-ups about this is or isn’t the way the world should work.

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• almost 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

There’s some really good Perceptual Control Theory translations into what’s going on here. cc: @Malcolm_Ocean

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