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It’s like there are two versions of me alive. The scared, intertia, self-blaming, time-wasting version of me, that no amount of introspection can ever fix. And the proud, calm, just doing, working seamlessly version of me, that just does things. https://t.co/PtkVMycj9W
When I’m in my Worrying mind, and think about what to do - tries to fit everything together - picks the greatest # of have-to-do things When I’m in my Inspired mind, and think about what to do - the day’s #1 most important priority comes to mind - wht do I wanna do about that? https://t.co/lPRjdrpTvP
The first version is too scared to even get up and grab water Not that it can’t. But it doesn’t know if it should. Or what’s going on When I think of moments I did something that I felt proud, I automatically find myself getting up to nourish & hydrate my body. Its so automatic
The first version feels like a lesson in samsara. It tries to live this appearance of linear progress, as if problems I’ve solved before won’t happen again. It doesn’t work that way. https://t.co/FhJPJ1H9wE
It’s like my brain glitches out trying to reconcile the two. It can’t. I don’t think I need to right now. The neurotic, samsaric, downward spiral version tries to apologise for itself from within itself, and it /can’t/.
It’s something like you can’t use the good to excuse the bad. That’s not how it works. You can’t reference it that way, because . . . https://t.co/Z20qkZZUmj
The good cannot excuse the bad. When I learn the good, I cannot use it to run back and try to erase off the bad. https://t.co/9EC5CnzSr5
It’s referencelessness, it’s losing the system of references, it’s temporarily ununderstanding them. I cannot use the good to pay off the bad. https://t.co/0fxTiTjKEX
It’s the dog being fed food, and dropping it to go fill the hole he dug and try to somehow apologise for it. What can the dog do? I don’t know. I think it starts by forgetting in moments about the hole and acting in that very second like the dog he wants to be. https://t.co/rgy14o7mBy
What I feel existentially bad about is still non-productivity. I discovered other ways to live, outside this narrow lens of rationality, productivity, the mind/math/cognitive-filtered mind, but also it remains a sincere and true fear in me I still feel I am doing something wrong
It’s telling the truth, in a stupid, hapless, unstrategising way https://t.co/tQ76JszNdq
It makes one less unmanipulatable by wishful realities. https://t.co/iHpYPLvI0h