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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

My first few days: - felt like reverence - went to the gym after - felt like an active relationship with beauty My last few days: - hate myself, don’t know what im doing - worrying mind, wakes up with me - been waking later (8:30am, not 6:00am) https://t.co/31r6r6dg9P

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

I’m beginning to realise it wasn’t about waking up at 5:30am every day—it was about the reverence.

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9/4/2021

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

It’s like the first few days, I woke up, and felt my emotions so strongly. A sense of beauty on Earth. Of doing what I want. A rebellious chaoticness and complete gratitude and humility to first HS, then Akira/JBP. https://t.co/MoWsrF96DL

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Our partners can be participants in our relationship to beauty. https://t.co/ypE8sCSF51

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

I woke up, and my waking mind would wake up a couple minutes after. And so I felt so envelopingly kindly towards it. Snoozing is part of this. I think snoozing gives time for my worrying mind to wake up before “I” have. https://t.co/6K4CSmuc9C

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

I can feel my Worrying mind waking, when I wake up. It helps me feel more kindly towards it,

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9/4/2021

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

These days, I wake up, and I feel tense. It’s a familiar kind of tension. It’s the tension of my worrying mind having woken up before me. I barely remember there is such a thing as enjoying the moment, or feeling freeeee, because I didn’t have those things most of my life. https://t.co/kVR2UGZpGT

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

i am cringe, but I am free 😌 https://t.co/rQ8vmmeEhE https://t.co/csTlxjDf5G

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

It was normal, so I barely remember to look for anything different. https://t.co/dHhTz4H8nx

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

It’s not so much about learning this over again as much as about painting lil finger guns in the rest of my experience to remind me 👈🥺👈 pssst . . . that thing you never used to do? you can actually do it now

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

But . . . I do remember the feeling of tension. I remember how it gnawed at me, and how, without knowing where it was coming from, I began taking it real seriously, until it did lead me to somewhere else I wanted to be. https://t.co/WVUcczEW6a

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

I have wanted to escape all ambition expected of me. Leave behind. Knowing not what I will find, except whatever I had wasn’t it. https://t.co/B7TMRo7UoE

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

That tension was what helped point me out. It was part of the map of being in that worrying mind state. I knew to look for it. It’s a feeling I’d become attuned to it, after many years.

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9/6/2021

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

There’s a sense I’m intimate with now of unbridled agency. The sheer non-doneness of the rest of the my life. https://t.co/cLCoxnqJUf

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

“I get to have my own definition of virtue in the world and 𝘮𝘢𝘬𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘱𝘦𝘯?” That’s so cool. It’s like the ultimate expression of agency in this world.

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

Earlier, I had a strict, “set an early alarm no matter what” policy. I’d go to the gym right after. Even if it was just to mess around. Going there meant something to me. Pumping muscle meant something to me. Being up meant something to me.

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9/6/2021

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

That moment, when I’m pumping for the 7th time. It was such foreign, bizarre thing to me. I wasn’t used to pushing myself this way. The fact that I was, was indication something new was up.

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9/6/2021

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

There was a way waking up that early kind of fixed all problems. https://t.co/8t6FI2L5Rf

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

It’s embarassing how many of my problems are solved by waking up early.

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

Replying to @AskYatharth

follow-up https://t.co/gojNo0Zf8a

yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharth• about 4 years ago

If I wake up at 8:30am: - I already feel guilty somehow If I wake up at 6:30am: - There’s no guilt; it’s too early for that. - I’m only driven by beauty. I felt my worrying mind activate like 60 seconds after I woke up today. It was so obvious. https://t.co/niWjHUj53d

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9/7/2021