🧵 View Thread
🧵 Thread (9 tweets)
brain thoughts: “I’m experiencing a lot of internal violence.” “If there were other people around, they would see I’m super uncomfortable with myself, and unable to actually enjoy stuff.” “But as long as I’m alone, it’s actually reasonably functional and pleasant.” https://t.co/IPOp0NTcVZ
fuck I think I had my whole life explained to me when I’m alone, I’m in this self-involved, kinda intense, but familiar place of navigating it’s like I’m in a super messy room, but it’s 𝘮𝘺 messy room, and I know how to elegantly move around it; it’s even kinda fun https://t.co/7P6ORRA8tl
it was a pleasant, alone, cope kinda fun. in an objectively messy room i just didn’t know it was possible to be a different way, i wasn’t “aware” i was unhappy, and so i wasn’t https://t.co/NXJHeUmvYJ
These days, I wake up, and I feel tense. It’s a familiar kind of tension. It’s the tension of my worrying mind having woken up before me. I barely remember there is such a thing as enjoying the moment, or feeling freeeee, because I didn’t have those things most of my life. https://t.co/kVR2UGZpGT
Maybe one day I will relate to it as if the nerd way has died. For now, it’s well and truly alive, and 𝘐 𝘸𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘪𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘵.. https://t.co/gojNo0Zf8a
If I wake up at 8:30am: - I already feel guilty somehow If I wake up at 6:30am: - There’s no guilt; it’s too early for that. - I’m only driven by beauty. I felt my worrying mind activate like 60 seconds after I woke up today. It was so obvious. https://t.co/niWjHUj53d
Let me not take up arms against myself. https://t.co/KpGnDHRPvk