🧵 View Thread
🧵 Thread (20 tweets)
Life joys and progress slowthread: 🧵 🧵 🧵 Sometimes, when I stumble across a new patch of dark emotions on my growth path, I despairingly wonder “have I made any progress at all??? Is this proof that I’m lost?” So, I’ll collect reminders & celebrations here.
1. I’m moving into this homestead after all! Yaaas connection to earth, with friends and co-creation. SF Bay community collective unconscious dreams of moving to a farm w friends. A year ago I thought it was a pipe dream, *and*...here I am! https://t.co/nU5JOpz34f
2. Last November, I left tech to chance at...switching to a health-sustaining career. I signed up for online holistic nutrition school. Lingering doubts - “does this work? anyone really care bout it? finances???” Now I’m interning with an Ayurveda practitioner ❤️ food n’ life https://t.co/OM6de7FzLF
2.5 Neither he nor his wife have ever advertised. People find him by word of mouth bc, his recommendations help their friends. Lots of his clients have never even *heard* of Ayurveda, nor do they care. It just...actually helps. I feel hopeful in that. https://t.co/ipA35e5Tku
3. As of last week, I’d rather hang out with myself than with people-I-admire-who-don’t-want-me-around. “but I admire them!! look, I can still grow & get something out of this, worth pretzeling my self-worth over” That’s been 1 of my stickiest self-betrayal patterns. 🎉🎉
4. I used hit despair when a strategy of mine didn’t work. “Let go?? Never!! It’s my last idea, I’d be doomed!!” Now I trust the fertile void enough that, I can be out of ideas w abandon. “Wow if that didn’t work, the FUCK will my life look like next? it’ll be somethinn 🙌🤔🌈”
5. Two years ago, I experienced romance and sex as the *only viable strategies* for meeting my touch needs. So I felt pressure to either get on those, or agonizingly wither from touch starvation. Going to massage school has 200% dissolved that bind, and I am so, so grateful 💜
6. 2y ago, inside my Tech Job, I’d quietly yearn “is this all there is to life?” now: ahahaha that’s so far away. it’s transformed to “omg life is uncountably beautiful & also painful in ways I never imagined & still dont. anything at all can happen. all limitations are my own”
6.5: see also https://t.co/562n20e9rM
7. newfound ability to feel nonsexual deep love? hell yeah, that’s a lovely new joy 🥳 https://t.co/89JhNaQULY
@wholebodyprayer so here’s a twist I was emotionally neglected as a child the first love I ever felt that reached to my core - was sexual that was 6 years ago ever since then I conflated any deep love with sexuality it’s *this year* that I can finally feel deep love w/o sexual confusion
8. I can now reliably have peak experiences while sober! After leaving a drug-dependent culture of parties and raves, this feels meaningful to me. Of my last 6: four involved art & dancing, and three were directly healing grief. Five were soaked in intimacy & physical touch.
8.5: Two involved totally losing it to this album of shamanic, entrained, transcendent-while-also-primal-ancestral-&-grounded folk chanting. 🙌🙏😂💕 I love it https://t.co/lYTRLxma8L
9. wow I’m astonished that I can now reliably move energy, tension, sensations around my body like it ain’t no big thing. for example: melting a headache into a settling presence in my gut. feels like learning to use an invisible third arm I never knew I had 🌱
10. hahaha I’ve now resolved enough problems that I believed would be the immutable backdrops of my entire life to find that space filled by 50% new joy and 50% new unfamiliar problems 😮 😂 both worth celebrating 💕 & hey, I’ll toootally take that ratio to keep going.
11. on my tweet where I leaned into the-spellpower-of-saying-what-I-want someone commented “y not a magical pony as well?” 2y ago I’dve felt devastated. now? woa I’m happy the life I’ve built creates this as my authentic response. the world is vast ✨ https://t.co/sTLihon6u7
12. it happened! aaaaaa 😍😍😍🎉🎉🎉 early march I crossed the threshold to mostly-feeling-more-good-than-bad. & it’s lasted; now I’m ~60-40 two festivals got me over the threshold,& a meaningful energy healing upgraded my vessel to hold that love in 🥰 https://t.co/s1K4LcG5Uh
13. I’m full of love that I get to spend all 100hr of this esalen massage training in inspiring community deepening the quality of care, presence, sensing, and attunement in my touch. this is rlly my life now!! 😍😍 (( also we swim and canoe on our longggg lunch breaks 🛶☀️ ))