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a long, meandering thread on my own personal relationship to social media, friendship, IRL hangouts, postinghttps://t.co/0AVkiNQj2D
in high school, i made a facebook. it was relatively early in the FB days. they had just opened it up to select high schools. i was thrilled. i loved it at first. crafting my profile, my identity. talking to all my friends. learning social skills, connecting in new ways.
in the months leading up to my freshman year at college, i started using it to talk to my future classmates. i started a group for my class, + made some of my best friends before I even met them in person. those connections were so powerful; still close today
pictures of my old high school friends, off to college, making new friends in other places. pictures of my new college friends, having fun at parties I wasn’t at (even by choice). or even pictures of friends at parties I *did* attend, but in moments I missed.
in recent years, I made a FB again, but set very intentional rules + boundaries around how to use it. primarily, I use it for work projects that require FB, but i also lurk in groups discussing topics I’m interested in.
now, I have an IG account, but i use it primarily to post for a long-running experiment (100 selfies, a la Visa). i don't follow people, only inspiration accounts (movement, dance, exercise, etc.). my IG use feels good and wholesome to me, like the way I use FB now.
in recent times, this has been changing more and more in our little neighborhood of Twitter. "friendly ambitious nerds." "ingroup." whatever you want to call it, it's good. people making real friends online, and even meeting up.
but given my history, i've never liked it when other people on Twitter post about their IRL meetups, esp. with photos, but even with just text, because it makes me feel the same kinds of feelings: FOMO, jealousy, etc.
but it's never been that frequent. it was extremely consistent for me on FB - FB was built around Photos, at least when I used it regularly - but it's been rare on Twitter, and the positives have far, far outweighed these feels occasionally surfacing.
but as more and more people are making friends on Twitter (including myself), and more and more people are meeting up IRL (including myself), I've had to revisit these dynamics, my boundaries, the underlying beliefs + emotions.
i don't think it's bad or immoral or something to post photos, or talk about your meetups. people are happy about meeting up, + they want to share their happiness. + these photos *can* make other people happy, and often do.
anyways, for myself, on my account, I try to avoid posting in the ways that make me sad, personally, so I don't have that effect on other people. by default, I avoid posting photos of myself with other people, or discussing IRL meetups, with some exceptions.
but even though I know it's possible, and I know how to do it - and not everyone does - it's not easy for me. I try, and I'm getting stronger, but it's easier (and I believe healthier) to take care of myself, and establish boundaries with social media.
all told, I try to use sites that make me happy, and avoid sites that make me unhappy. i try to set these tools up to help me, rather than hurt me. and I try to participate in a way that helps other people, brings joy + benefit, rather than hurts other people.