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plaintext is not a great medium for discussing concepts like masculinity that said in my experience, study, conversations with hundreds of people, etc I've found that there's a general consensus ideal of what masculinity is it's broad enough to allow for multiple archetypes,
and yet when you zoom all the way out I think there are discernable patterns talking about this is always over-reductive, over-simplistic, and yet if good-faith attempts aren't made to discuss them, then the commons will be dominated by bad-faith approaches
(I used to tweet about this stuff more when my following was much smaller, and even then it used to reliably get QT'd into some really grotesque parts of Down Bad twitter. Only takes 2 or 3 QTs to get your thoughts to a part of town you never thought you'd be in)
latest thing on the TL is "boyfriend dick", and it's a pretty classic Scissor that splits people into differing camps depending on what parts of the post you focus on. Some see OP as having a fragile ego, being too sensitive. Others see OP's gf as cruel https://t.co/A4L7BNV83Q
I've seen friends who I trust/love/respect say things like, "well, he shouldn't have asked if he didn't want to know." which is... an odd read in the abstract, but a read that makes sense if you read it with certain pre-existing beliefs about gender relations, which we all have
and that in turn reinforces (suspiciously convenient, huh) my personal belief – which I am simply sharing for sharing's sake. I have no intent to impose my views on gender on anybody else. there are many valid ways to interpret and conceive of gender https://t.co/P9GSosnFmk
my sense is, according to the current consensus, based on people's revealed preferences, the expectation is that good men must be emotionally resilient you must be able to take insults and attacks without complaining, without "being a lil b*tch" about it it's not easy
here I get to an understanding of why phrases like "boys don't cry" and "man up" etc exist in the first place, if we assume good faith and good intent the core idea, which may have been corrupted in transmission over time by incompetent and/or bad actors, is to *prepare* boys
(trying to find a cave of adullam tweet... there's some great footage of a man in a karate(?) coach role guiding a boy through his tears. "it hurts, doesn't it? it's okay to cry. we cry as men. this is how we become stronger, so we can take care of the ones we love." -ish)
people often default to simplistic dichotomies: the idea being that you either cry or you don't. you either seek to suppress your emotions, or you express them whenever, however. it's obvious to me that neither of these yin/yang extremes are sustainable or effective
found the vid, had to speed it up by 12% to fit Twitter's 2:20 limit this is a great example of how to support masculine expression in a nourishing way it's attentive, encouraging. Coach supports & challenges the boy to accomplish more than he could before. Increases his power https://t.co/P2hCFWfCEX
here some people ask things like, "is it really any different for girls and women? don't they also need to be strong and resilient?" yes, just as boys can benefit from learning skills associated with femininity. (and I *highly* recommend that guys read women writers, for eg) but
the thing to understand, which I think people know at some subconscious/internal level, but may not have thought to explicitly articulate, is that boys and girls, men and women are judged differently social strategies that work for women do not work as well for men & vice versa https://t.co/JlBvdD8j0h
is this fair? idk. probably not. i'm a tall dark-skinned man, which means I never have to worry about my personal safety walking anywhere. but I do have to worry abt being perceived as a threat, eg by law enforcement. for my wife it's the other way around https://t.co/t9bBbF3cfZ
@pee_zombie this is kind of the thing about the beauty/beast dynamic the beauty is allowed to be angry with righteousness (but also sometimes dismissed / not taken seriously), whereas the angry beast is a threat to be neutralized so they can protect each other https://t.co/FQDd5KSsoV
I do think it's accurate to say that, in popular consciousness, while in recent years we've made a lot of important progress (and still not enough!) in understanding the challenges that women & girls face, we do seem to have kinda dismissed dude's struggles as relatively trivial
but being a man is hard in its own way. which is part of why, if you'll allow me to say this (again, tone is so difficult to convey via text), there are allegedly so few "real men". because it's *hard* to become one. we have a shortage of teachers
anyway I have a couple of videos where I talk about this in greater detail, with more nuance, and I will be making more in the coming months. May we all find ways to support and nourish each other to be stronger 1. https://t.co/qnkFxUi3vF 2.https://t.co/SPe9awVxlG https://t.co/YTecIq7CMX
@visakanv It's clearly both? Yes, obviously don't tell your partner they have "bf dick" or "wife tits". I focused on the "I don't bring it up because nothing good can come of it" part because the more interesting lesson is not to ignore the fact that you're scared of bringing up a topic.