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If I took the safe action, I was in danger — of losing the path of optimality; of not doing what was necessary. It would feel scary and overwhelming. Overwhelming either way. It’s an irony the safe behaviours didn’tm feel safe to do.
Maybe it was a useful heuristic to grow up with. But there is no nobility in micro-trauma. When my system overwhelmed, this is no good. https://t.co/dD01WPmCQo
I’ve become better at allowing myself to take the safe action, and fuck all the consequences. I won my safe option back, and it’s there to use if I’d like. https://t.co/svuumhf5Kf
If anything, I knock more now, none of this compromises my ability to take action, because it’s about optionality, so I can see more clearly and pick what’s adaptive, rather being stuck in the gridlock traffic jam of my own thoughts. https://t.co/slDvtIQsxJ
It meant accepting I am a creature, in need to self-regulation, and the environment is part of that. I can’t arbitrarily wish internal states into being like some idealised rationalist. https://t.co/JF6h4iz6Ar
I’m conflating placebo and self-soothing here, but that’s because they often are the same thing, and self-soothing 𝘮𝘢𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 I always wondered: Why do people self-soothe? Isn’t it strange an animal should self-stroke itself, like it’s trying to convey information to itself?