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The problem comes when guys begin to feel their sense of love entitles them to something, like it means something. Can she trust you as a person to be there when she needs? Can she trust you to be /there/ with her, instead of with some symbol of her? No? Then what’s wrong?
It’s right to be suspicious of love that happens too fast, because 90% of the time, it happens in the symbolic/infatuation way. Love in the “will fucking show up for you” sense and “not just with my symbol of you” sense takes time. https://t.co/MwsSLHcivi
But the thing is: Hook-ups are fine, infatuation is fine, being in love with the symbol of someone /is fine/ It’s so fucking fine, because it already is. https://t.co/m3MlC4Yf1U
Let me be clear: - This is not an anti-simp thread. - This is not a “divine masc/fem love omg” thread. - This is not a “call out something I see wrong” thread. This is a - How do I understand & show kindness to the kind of person who feels the sort of confusion in this thread?
Heck, around September, I used to regularly DM women I felt crazy attracted to, knowing it was to the symbol of them, and we actually processed a lot of my crazy attachment to form right there. https://t.co/GtCp1LtFCc
Everything is nameable, regular ejaculatory orgasms are not “less” and thinking of them as so causes problem. https://t.co/tFk1hiwp6Z
But it’s worth acknowledging that for me to be able to express neediness and still have women find it hot . . . to be able to not think of regular orgasms as less while still recognising my dissociation with them . . . it took skill & nuance. Nuance that I didn’t always have.
Suppressing the ”lesser” is a mistake. The great part is it’s not necessary. https://t.co/u4fGPmgPJf
So much of my attitude here is inspired by the fact that when it came to human relating, so much of it I just didn’t kno . . . https://t.co/LJoNiAgfC0
@liminal_warmth As smn who was that guy once, my life changed when someone explained to me, in kind and patient terms, that when I got overly attached, the problem was they as the other person weren’t free to feel whatever they wanted to anymore They had to feel a certain way for me to be ok
And I don’t need everything explained now. It doesn’t need to be. But still, at first, it helped to kno. This is the kind thing to do. https://t.co/HP3LjWAaac
⬆️ Back to full thread. https://t.co/Kl8lJvnYiv