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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago

For the SECOND time on this dating website twitter dot com, a girl called me “too polished” and it infuriates me.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

They’re not wrong. When they gave me aggressive attention, I got weird. Confused. Defaulted to playing this role that didn’t quite sit right.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

What infuriates me is that me playing this role STILL IS just as much me trying to be human as the gut-heavy me in my TL they came to like ever was. Both really are me just being and experimenting, on my edge.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

It really is new for me for women to be so aggressively into me. Heck, I remember my first couple tweets back in March. They were of the serious variety. Look at this. https://t.co/PRnuJHENRc

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 5 years ago

Every time you decide, you aren't just deciding once. You're casting a vote 🗳️🗳️🗳️ . . . for what kind of principles you make life decisions with. “Try new smoothie flavor or old favorite one?” isn't just about a smoothie 🥤🤔🥤 What decision principles do you want to affirm?

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

I see the heart in those early tweets, but I also see how they’re restrained, polished—they don’t have the more open gut and heart that’s ready to feel.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

What worked for me then is what will work for me now, which is not forcing. I have to want it. Fuck LARPing “being pressured” because no one’s actually pressuring me.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

I don’t expect myself to do a better job than I can do. https://t.co/QSiX8NrpvA

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthalmost 5 years ago

@jondubin @GeniesLoki @SeanMombo it doesn’t have to stop me anymore from getting the things i want i’ll just sorta be bad at it https://t.co/XEg8NIoXMR

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

I can show up a different way because I'm scared and think that's what I need to do OR I can show up a different way because I want to and it’s a bit uncontrollable but I like and want that.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Weird, the opportunities we’re given that feel like expectations.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

I rewrote this thread! Because I can! Here it is. https://t.co/9dDobJhdRb

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago

They’re not wrong. I got weird around aggressive attention, and started playing a role, disconnected from myself.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

This corner of Twitter is embareassing because we have to grow up in public. It also reminds me a lot of improv classes and not leaving anything undone and unlaughed at.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Broke: scene for post-meta-intellectual productivity Woke: giant improv class with Rival and Darby and everybody

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

https://t.co/eN7wupgWBD

Tweet image 1
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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

They’re not wrong. I got weird around aggressive attention, and started playing a role, disconnected from myself.

4 0
1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

What infuriates me is that me playing the role STILL FEELS LIKE just as much me as the more fiery/honest/less BSy me on the TL How could it not be. Both are me being and giving of myself, on my current edge. How can I not give of myself.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

It really is new for me for women to be so aggressively into me. I remember my first couple tweets back in March. They were of the . . . shall we say polished variety too 😂 https://t.co/PRnuJHENRc

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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 5 years ago

Every time you decide, you aren't just deciding once. You're casting a vote 🗳️🗳️🗳️ . . . for what kind of principles you make life decisions with. “Try new smoothie flavor or old favorite one?” isn't just about a smoothie 🥤🤔🥤 What decision principles do you want to affirm?

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

I see the heart in those early tweets, but I also see how they’re restrained, polished—I didn’t feel as open then, I wasn’t as clear on what mattered to me.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

I want to LARP “being pressured,” because it makes me feel less silly about acting out. Acting out, making this a thing, feels embarrassing to me. But hey, it’s where I am rn (ツ)_/¯

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

I’m rewriting this thread a second time because . . I can? It’s weird to think I get multiple chances to put myself out there in a way I feel good about.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Recap: Trigger: Unexpected and aggressive attention. Reaction: Act professional and withheld. Trigger: Know that I’m doing this and that this is not what I want to be doing. Reaction: Try to convince other people I have self-awareness about this, self-rescue.

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1/5/2021
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yatharth ༺༒༻@AskYatharthover 4 years ago
Replying to @AskYatharth

Trigger: Feel embarassed about self-rescuing/acting out. Response: Poast thread anyway, to the entertainment of my mutuals. Rewrite later.

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1/5/2021