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this makes me want to look at how i think self-trust can work and how gaslighting can work. it might eventually rope back in to thoughts on tlp https://t.co/rqPCLonLIj
it took me a long time to figure out how to do thinking that felt robust because it's connection to reality was robust growing up, most of my "cleverness" was channeled at the task of being genre-savy. read lots of books, learn the tropes, don't make the obvious mistakes
endless hours of self-improvement/life-hack podcasts got absorbed in a similar manner i was generally good at things I did, and was quite a confident person. i would introspect and think and revise, but never doubt, cuz i learned that was what lame angsty losers did
at one point, that all exploded. i lost most of my "free floating confidence" and was shot thru with painful doubt some of that story in this thread https://t.co/vaFMvSz8p3
with the moral imperative to rid myself of external influence from strauss, the burned rage to not stop at easy answers, and the new ratsy way of being able to see when explanations aren't pulling their weight, i set out on a quest to evict everything that wasn't me from my mind
doubt is pretty interesting. there's at least two things that are hiding together. casual assessment of error alongside burning fear of judgement. i've threaded about this before! https://t.co/AZdkrEuq31
there's many things that can happen in my mind that get lazily tagged as "doubt" the most useful way I've found to piece them apart is asking "cool, what happens after 'what if you're wrong?' get's asked?" https://t.co/SRswz7HTKc
this essay really stuck with me. I rarely act on it, but it planted the trigger of asking the question "what's changed? why am i doubting more now than when I made the plan? Have i actually gotten new information?" https://t.co/qZPz5YjUns
also, the mathy idea of "convincing yourself" was really useful. do you actually buy this proof? if not, what do you do next? if so, how to you turn it into a "DUH"? again, gaining familiarity with certain moves in an easy environment
*SWERVE* k, so I think a bulk of manipulation works by changing how you believe others will interact with you trying to convince someone they're BAD for doing X involves getting them to think others think it's BAD, and will judge them so
it has take a series of EXTRAORDINARY events before any of my abstract big-picture thinking has been based on anything other than "where do these 'beliefs' situate me socially? what are the aesthetic implications of these beliefs?"
from that place, all the "sleight of hand" in the world can be applied to fuck you up, because even if [random blogger] knows jack shit about the world, they CAN (sometimes) credibly/convincingly make claims about where certain "beliefs" put you in the social hierarchy
take tlp. if you stumble onto post rat twitter, see vaguely thumbs up sentiment to tlp, then read it, and are yelled at about how all of your behavior is narcissistic (i.e BAD)... it's now plausible to think that all your other cool new friends also think you are BAD
id be curious how destabilizing tlp would feel to people if they came from a group that already had "tlp is aweful" as a shared meme. it would probs be different from coming from a group that gave him a thumbs up, and probably different from reading them out of nowhere
but even besides "does my group approve of this person?" there are other ways that manip can act if someone seems "cool" or "charismatic", part of that is you expect other people to like this person, and so if they say you're bad for X, you think other's would agree
k, another takeaway is that whether or not tlp has useful content of insights, if you are sensitive to have you are viewed, reading tlp will hurt, and induce "self-doubt" in the sense that you are more likely to think others might think you're bad
very important aside: i don't want this thread to be "lol, just don't care about what others think & u can't be gaslit, duh" because if you *are* susceptible, hearing that from me will just make you hate yourself more https://t.co/dV5dTyKk24
@jack_meditates @temujin9 @theorangealt Image obsession is hard to get out of in the same way judging yourself harshly is hard to get out of "Judging yourself is bad"->"I'm such a fucking idiot for judging myself all the time!" "Narcissism is bad"->"fuck I need to make sure I don't look like a narcissist"
if you see me talking about tlp, and if tlp makes you feel bad, know that I personally do NOT think you suck in the ways that tlp is yelling at you. it's totally chill. i won't think you're bad just cuz you didn't drop everything to rid yourself of real or imagined narcissism