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You Are The One You've Been Waiting For book by Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems theory β¦where he applies the theory of Self & parts, to relationships. You are your own parts' primary caretaker, and your partner is their secondary caretaker, & vv. https://t.co/8yWwE9bb2r
Really powerful book. You can find it online. Here's a PDF of the intro & chapter 1: https://t.co/vdODm5cxeJ
Here's one way to point at how "IFS applied to relationships" doesn't just turn back into the "Family Systems Therapy" idea it was based on. https://t.co/1jJ75u5uM9
@visakanv In Dick Schwartz's book You Are The One You've Been Waiting For, where he applies his IFS framework to relationships, he points out that people are freaked out towards the parts of themselves they've repressed, and respond to other peoples' unrepressed versions w the same energy.
Note that while some "parts" may seem very solid, it's also valuable to just orient to the momentary divisions as they're arising, without trying to pin them down over time. Though ofc notice patterns & connections. https://t.co/IOqtiGalxZ
The self-integration work I've been doing lately hasn't involved reifying any particular parts in any ongoing way. I simply recognize that each of my thoughts represents the output/process of some subsystem. These systems evolve, and also may overlap. Can't neatly carve them up.
And the most meaningful move is a meta-one, which is taking the stance that you care about all of your parts and all of your partner's parts, not just the ones you/they identify with or feel safest with. All of them. https://t.co/ULra4qyqM2
Yatharth is siding with one intention (work out to feel good) in OPPOSITION to another (cry because working out feels bad). Because I'm helping him he ASSUMES I'm aligned with the intention he is aligned with (I'm not, I'm aligned with THE BEST POSSIBLE GLOBAL INTENTION FOR HIM)
This is a bit norm-breaking, but if you're the kind of person who reads my threads and wants to do this yourself, let's face it: you want to be in relationships (romantic or business) with people who also want to live like this. https://t.co/qdKu7NgP6H
@AskYatharth Yeah, mainstream social norms involve treating people like their professed intentions are their full deal (although if you're actually doing strategy, you secretly track parts that might betray you). Can create culture with norm of "support all parts" https://t.co/fRUQImWC67