🧵 View Thread
🧵 Thread (9 tweets)
one way to frame this whole prolonged crisis i had was "I had tools of sowing doubt, but no tools of growing conviction" https://t.co/zZj0AXZe5i
more precision: less "ahhh no free will!" and more "aaaahhh I can see nothing in myself of others that is meaningful and valuable, just a bunch of mechs habituated to respond to social scripts" i will describe how this came together https://t.co/9oSnAzMRRI
as it is written https://t.co/dvt8e688zV
basically, I learned to Doubt, but I didn't learn how to build conviction. I'm sure I can find parts of the sequences that are about conviction, and if I read them now I'd probs thing they're A++ but the only "conviction" i was able to get was dif flavor of Protagonism
there's something subtle here. cuz there's a way to doubt that brings you closer contact with reality, and contact with reality is the foundation of conviction so what's the nature of this asymmetric, destructive doubt?
when I was in crisis, the motive force behind my doubt was ego-mind judgement, pain and blame, etc etc. the vehicle of doubt was a Sequences inspired rational/STEM frame and a taste for what a "reeeeeal good explanation" was
when the ego-mind and "should"s are the force behind doubt, it is insatiable. "what if you're wrong???" -> "what if you're BAD?!?!" you reach for the legible, not because it's your best guess at the truth, but because the legible is what allows coordination of validation
and the legible can't leave you with what matters https://t.co/DYvZOpfh2f
it's "should" that makes you tighten your grip and cling to the legible https://t.co/gSKQ3oOq5R
"legit" doubt resolves itself, either by dissolving on the hardness of the truth, or my dissolving the fake buy "doubt" the comes from the ego-mind need not resolve itself. just like you can judge yourself harshly forever, no matter how you succeed https://t.co/05ykT3YMOk