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reminds me of an important pattern i found in myself awhile ago. it's how i ended up hella judgemental of myself despite having "known" forever that self judgement was "bad" and unhelpful https://t.co/vxI9IqlfGF
the sleight of hand was to develop other directed judgement that wasn't applied to me because of various mental workarounds (HUGE free floating optimism about my ability to achieve literally anything) building weapons is fine if they aren't pointed at you, right?
part of my "uncanny valley of rationality" journey involved my free floating optimism getting smashed, and now all those judgement guns swiveled to be pointed at me. SHIT https://t.co/kpHBISLuYk
luckily i was able to balls to the wall ACHIEVE in order to alleviate the judgement. it's sneaky, i even noticed the judgement a few times, but instead of being like "hey, why the fuck are u in my house?" i negotiated "i'll ACHIEVE and you won't make me feel like shit, got it?"
because of that, i didn't notice "self judgement is when you always feel like ur shit, right?" nah i was harshly judging myself, it's just that i was mostly able to meet the standard of judgement. but woe betide me on the rare occasions when i couldn't