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i had a big NEDERA / crying session last night after feeling very bad for a week and am finally feeling a lot better, here are my notes on the session (from memory) https://t.co/7eyefCtjYy
the difference between being emotionally clogged vs. unclogged continues to be massive. it feels like there was a big shit lodged in my chest for a week and now i have finally gloriously pooped it out. love and joy feel real again and not like they are on a different planet
i haven't been the person i've wanted to be, this last week. i knew people were going to be dealing with anxiety and fear and anger and despair and i knew i could help them and i watched myself continue to just. not. offer, because i was... afraid? confused? overwhelmed?
i felt ashamed of that, i piled shame on top of whatever else was happening, which it turns out did not help at all and now here we are. i am still confused but less overwhelmed. i don't know what to do or how i should be helping but that feels more okay now than it did
there are way more people i could help than i have time for and i don't know how to prioritize. it's not about what would do the most good in some abstract sense. it's more like... i don't know who i'm *loyal* to or *responsible* for.