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Whenever I talk about how I'd treat my children if I have any, I reliably get responses along the lines of "ha, when you have kids you'll change your mind." That's entirely possible, fair. But for context, I also said that I was going to marry my first girlfriend, and I did it
This is less about parenting, and more about this: most people live in a world where most people don't *really* mean what they say it's not personal, I get it. lots of BS out there but it's funny for me bc many people consistently assume I don't mean what I say when I say it
as the % odds of us having kids increases, I start paying more attention to how people react to the way I deal with kids IRL I take my nephews and niece very seriously. I talk to them like I talk to any of my friends. This actually makes my mum a little uncomfortable 😂
nephew: i'm going to buy a ferrari me: oh, nice! how are you going to pay for it? nephew: i'm going to be a business man me: cool!! what sort of business my mum: how can you ask him that, he's just a little boy me: *internally* you don't know shit about raising children
here's another fun anecdata set I have met older adults – uncles, aunties, etc – who are genuinely surprised that I love my wife these are the people who share "marriage is a life sentence" memes in whatsapp groups if I question them about it, they get uncomfortable
anyway for context, I got here because I don't intend to send my kid(s) to extra tuition. If the kid(s) want it and ask for it, then maybe, sure – we'd have a conversation about it – but I'm not going to send them there out of fear and shame that they won't do well in school https://t.co/vHa7utBavq
"you say that now! but all of your friends will send their kids to tuition! and you will feel like a bad parent for not doing enough!" respectfully, I reject this entire frame. If I have kids, the child's long-term flourishing and well-being is the top priority
I work hard to be pretty consistent about this on every front. I work hard to be a good friend, a good peer, a good *person*. I work hard not to project my insecurities and neediness onto other people. I think hard about what the right thing to do is, and I do it
to be clear: *none* of this is to shame anybody else for making the decisions that they make literally the reason I make all this effort is because I was shamed and guilt-tripped needlessly as a child, by everyone around me – school, teachers, etc... and I refuse to pass it on
@visakanv You have such good temper. I face the same problem of "I mean what I say" vs the world's "well we certainly don't, and surely neither do you"; but instead of being able to find it "funny" as you do, I often just feel quite infuriated and inconvenienced. Where comes your temper?
@visakanv Nice. That sounds pretty consistent with my understanding of how temper works. Also… "Twitter is my (public) private place, so I'll just scream here! Raarrrrrrr!!!" 😡👿🤬💢💢🤪
@visakanv On a slightly more serious note, a real private space is such a cherishable thing; and I believe such space is created by friends and trusted people (family, for some people). --- which makes it really quite difficult for people with few friends. 😥
@visakanv Oh no Visa, I've just made this association… Perhaps pride in "saying exactly what I mean" should have a potential element of guilt of privilege embedded within… https://t.co/0OX8F2X6FD