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Reflecting on dating has me thinking again about one of Alan Watts' toughest and funniest riffs: "the reason you want to be a better person is the reason why you aren't". If you're a needy person, how do you become less needy, without being needy about it?
There are many ways you can rephrase the question to find the paradox that resonates with you. Isn't "self-improvement" fundamentally flawed, since the person doing the improvement is imperfect and in need of improvement? How is a sinful person to accept/receive grace? Etc etc
You can find some breathing room by taking a sort of incrementalist perspective – and you can see several bricks from that wall in my twitter header. But this does not resolve the fundamental absurdity of the human condition. And indeed, I think it *cannot* be "resolved" https://t.co/uRp5hq1hyr
when you really fully immerse yourself in that absurdity, and really go all the way, I think there are two outcomes, both sides of the same coin. Maximum anxiety and maximum laughter. Your expectations are the setup, and the reality of existence is the punchline. Life is a joke https://t.co/Oo9NpMyngm
in my experience – which maybe is a small, limited experience, idk if my experiences of profundity are *as* profound as what others have reportedly experienced – there is a lightness that comes on the other side of laughter at the absurdity of all things. surfing the waves https://t.co/ftz3YTon2B
all of this can seem very removed, very abstract but here's what I think I know, from my personal experience I used to be a much needier person than I am now and I believe you can actually *see* this change in my *face* people can feel this difference and treat me differently https://t.co/Gr1Wswf0e2
I have not eliminated neediness from my life – I'm not sure that's possible, and I'm not sure that's desirable, either. What I think I has changed is my *relationship* with neediness. It's much lighter now. It's like hunger. I can be hungry and be okay with being hungry
every time I talk about this sort of thing, I get two kinds of responses some people call me a narcissist who's obsessed with myself other people tell me that hearing someone talk about this helped them out in some way as long as it's helpful to people I'll keep talking abt it
I would actually love to talk about somebody else other than myself, but that would be even weirder, wouldn't it? lol. I can't speak on behalf of someone else. What I'm actually obsessed about is *everything* and *everyone*. I share my experience so that I can hear from others https://t.co/hb7QU3NKAU
I've been watching Into The Spider-Verse repeatedly over and over again lately, and I think one of my favorite things about it is how it articulates the Leap of Faith (might be a Kierkegaard reference) How do you know it'll work out? You won't! Welcome to life https://t.co/TDsis7hKs8
there is no safe way to be vulnerable what's up danger https://t.co/ba2cRX5Y08
True joy IMO is liberation from the shackle of narrow utilitarianism. And there's something scary about it! It requires a leap of faith. There is no safe way to be vulnerable (h/t Brene Brown). If you're thinking "how do I be happier without risking anything"... you're trapped https://t.co/6AXFPLnEpo
@visakanv been thinking a lot lately about my face and how much tension I keep in it. @autistmakingway had a thread the other day about the same I think - that really learning to relax your face makes you look like a different person.
@visakanv @AutistMakingWay this notion that the only way out is true, though -- that's right. The only way to get over your vulnerability is to stop denying it. The only way to get over your neediness is to recognize your own needs. So much of all of this is just looking at yourself with acceptance.